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  • August 3rd, 2007 | 6:40 AM
a writer's rambling brain

So I hadn't done Laura's PhotoPoetry for a while but since she's in LA at Nationals and I am not (sigh) I posted this week's PhotoPoetry picture in



 And since I posted the picture I felt like I needed to do a 15 Words or less poem myself. What follows is the rambling brainstorm I went through. I post it to prove that first drafts and brainstorms are sloppy, ugly and uncontrollable until we revise.

This was the picture:

And this was the brainstorm:

I'm laughing and you're not
laughing on the inside
inside isn't always best
inside holding tight
you can't see me
inside out
I was outside in
outside in the laughter
waiting to go in
to the silence and write
laughing inside out
makes my stomach hurt
but not
in a good way
it's hard to be good
too hard sometimes
for me
me and my shadow
in plain sight
waiting to disappear
if I could disappear
I might
but only after
and after chocolate
but before my bath
bathtime makes me
want to run
makes me
chase the dog
and follow the cat up a tree
until I fall
I fall
but no one sees me
still I cry
just a little
just a little bit more time
is all I need
to figure out this
and how many fingers it takes
to divide by seven
so everyone
can have a piece of pie
I have
too many words
jumbled up inside
with nowhere to go
tied up in knots of
filled with
not luck
but in spite
or despite
out just plain
out of spite
I share
I care
I pare the words
from giant storms
to tiny
raindrops of
filling pages
with cliches
that never show
how all alone
how all alone looks
when you are outside
looking in

To see the final version, visit WordyGirls for this week's poems.

(Tags: )
There are so many stories only you can tell.Tell them, please.


( 7 comments — Leave comment )
August 3rd, 2007 03:18 pm (UTC)
Wow. that is amazing. I don't think I've ever edited that much.though poems have been totally changed, reversed and revised, combined and shortened.
My poem was inspired by a line in HP, which started "His cry was answered...." That stuck with me when I realized that this was just the opposite of that line.
August 3rd, 2007 03:27 pm (UTC)
Yeah, it was a little weird the road it took which is why I posted it. As I am trying to get back to writing again I imagine there will be a lot of things like this.

Well, actually, that's pretty much the way I write.
August 3rd, 2007 04:19 pm (UTC)
Oh my gosh, Susan. Wonderful how you let this poem go along and shape itself! Wonderful. It's like watching (or should I say hearing) you breath words onto the page, trusting where it takes you. Nice, nice, work. Have to head over to Wordygirls so I can watch what you do to with this.

I like the sounds of this PhotoPoetry Day...!

August 6th, 2007 04:12 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much! I hope you'll decide to play along with photo poetry next week.
August 6th, 2007 04:36 pm (UTC)
Most definitely will it out, and join in!
August 3rd, 2007 04:25 pm (UTC)
NICE! I felt like I was a ride or a slide...faster and faster thru the thoughts and feelings....NICE ride!
August 6th, 2007 04:22 pm (UTC)
Thanks, slatts!
( 7 comments — Leave comment )

Who am I?I was born on the Cancer/Leo cusp and share a birthday with Ernest Hemingway and Robin Williams. The similarities don't stop there as I can go from depressed to ecstatic without ever passing go. I feel scared most of the time though my friends call me brave and I find it easier to believe in my friends than to believe in my own abilities to make what I want out of my life.

Who am I? A wife, a mother, a daughter, and even, gulp, a grandmother.

Who am I? A writer who never gets tired of playing with words, even when the words are hard to find. A writer of books for children and articles for grown-ups and many things in-between.

Who am I? A motivational speaker, writing instructor, workshop leader and full-time follower of dreams.

Who am I? Read and find out.

Susan Taylor Brown

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"Successful writers are not the ones who write the best sentences. They are the ones who keep writing. They are the ones who discover what is most important and strangest and most pleasurable in themselves, and keep believing in the value of their work, despite the difficulties."
--Bonnie Friedman

"As writers, we must be willing to feel our sadness, our anger, our terror, so we can reach in and find our sweet vulnerability that is just sitting there waiting for us to come back home."
--Nancy Slonim Aronie

"Writers write about what obsesses them. You draw those cards. I lost my mother when I was 14. My daughter died at the age of 6. I lost my faith as a Catholic. When I'm writing, the darkness is always there. I go where the pain is."
--Anne Rice


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